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Saturday 31 July 2010

Saturday evening

All quiet... The back pain is receding, which is nice - I am now convinced that it's the result of the G-CSF (which apparently stands for Granulocyte - Colony Stimulating Factor), which is to build my immune system... the pain was just the same as last time but not so severe, and a quick bash with paracetemol laid it to rest quickly this time. Keeping the digestive system flowing nicely has been a challenge for a few days (I know, too much information!) but lots of lovely vegetables are helping - it's my excuse to drink fresh fruit juice and have fruit for pudding at every meal!
The PICC line in my arm seems to be settled. Mistake this time was that the sticky label they attach when it's redressed is laid right over the point where it disappears into my flesh, so I can't actually see what's going on - think it's bled a little and there's a crusty clot there which is itching madly, but it's not too bad and will survive until Wednesday when it's redressed again...

My beloved has spent the day fighting with a somewhat recalcitrant motorcycle which is refusing to play. It's having money and attention lavished on it in fine style, and is being astonishingly unco-operative - ungrateful thing! He's now lying in the bath with a book and a G&T, hopefully destressing a little.

I've had a really exciting day tidying the house, which was long overdue... It's still a tip, but at least I can honestly say that it's a work-in-progress at present now! A big pile of stuff to the charity shop, a few freecycle ads and a couple of books onto ebay - can't imagine anyone will buy them as they are out-of-date textbooks, but there are a few copies being advertised and getting bids, and mine are cheaper... I would freecycle or charity shop them but they are so obscure that they would never go - maybe ebay will find the odd weirdo who actually wants them before I throw them in the recycling. It hurts to recycle a book I paid £65 for!!!

Good news - the nice secretary at the hospital faxed the reports to my insurance company, and they have said that they will approve my claim HURRAH!!! It's not a fortune, but it does make life a little less fraught, and it means that I can afford to pay the bills until I get a job.

It's very strange - someone said to me recently that I appear to be coping with everything amazingly well. I thought it was an odd thing to say, then I remembered how shattered I was when the consultant said "I am sorry, it is cancer". I didn't know what to to, say or think, and I couldn't imagine how I was going to cope. But I can only keep up being shattered for so long, and then life gets in the way. It would be almost a luxury to be able to sit and worry about having cancer - but just because I have cancer the house doesn't stop needing to be tidied, the food still needs to be bought and cooked, and I still have to hunt for a job. The grandkids still want to come down and stay, and the fact that I have hospital appointments will just have to be worked around... life goes on, cancer or no cancer... The panic attacks and really dark moments are rarer than they were - I don't have time to be stressed about it. Does that sound odd? It does to me... Time for a chilled Pinot Grigio I think. Have a happy Saturday evening.

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