Onward and upward

Or at least onward...

I had my last meeting with the headologist a few days ago.  It was strange to be talking to her knowing that it was the last meeting - we talked through the last few weeks and it's fair to say that we've come a long way in that time, and that I have learnt a lot along the way.  One thing that I have learnt is that it's not good to keep things bottled up inside - and that writing a blog is a good way to make myself sit down and work things through.  It would be very easy to just rant, let off steam all the time, it can be quite cathartic, but it's not always productive long-term, and would no doubt leave me with nobody speaking to me very quickly.  It's important to think about the things that happen, and the other people who are involved, who might well be reading about themselves!  So rather than just blow away the frustrations that life brings, I try to think and write about them rationally, which hopefully is more useful.  Hopefully it also makes the inane ramblings of the madwoman interesting enough to keep you, dear reader, awake long enough to read it as well as not causing your blood pressure to rise!  I aim to amuse if I can.

Saturday brought yet another meal out (hee hee) with some friends who have recently returned from sailing in the Med.  They muttered one day a few years ago that they were jealous of our plan to pack up and sail off into the sunset, so DH blithely said "Hang on, your house and boat are paid for and you've got nobody to look after here - why don't you give it a go?" - and blow me down, they did!  Within a few months they'd rented out the house, dumped the jobs and headed off!  They tend to come back here for a bit in the winter, to top up the bank account a bit - she's in the fortunate position of having an job that's always in demand, so she can generally get short-term work when she wants to (although he seems to have decided that he's retired!).  They have good tenants, so they took a winter let on a holiday flat the first time - it worked so well that they go back to the same landlord every year now.  All in all it's extremely depressing to watch them having great fun doing pretty much what we want to do.  Hey ho... it's really nice to see them having a great time though.
The embarrassing bit was when they mentioned some event or another - and we didn't know about it - except they'd blogged about it and we clearly hadn't seen it.  Caught out good and proper we were, and even saying "have you read my blog then?" didn't make much of a defence!  So I am now hurriedly catching up with what they got up to this year, which will be no great hassle as their travels around are generally well worth the effort of reading!

At Sunday lunch, (yet another meal out!) a friend leaned across the table, told me to be still, and skilfully pinched away the mosquito that he saw sat on my forehead.  Sadly, he wasn't quite quick enough to get the little so-and-so before it bit me... so now I have a rather angry lump on my left eyebrow, which is showing no signs of subsiding.  Sad, as I have to go to see a customer tomorrow... hopefully some antihistamine cream will calm it down and I will look a bit less like I've been in a fight!  I am tempted to dig out the NHS wig, which still looks fine and has a much longer fringe that my real one... wonder if it will cover the red lump?

Just for a change, I have actually cooked a meal this evening, if himself ever arrives home to eat it.  I've just looked at the clock and it's an hour later than I thought, which means that the chicken pieces are probably a bit dried up by now, and the parkin is most likely completely carbonised.  Hey ho...  Hopefully I will have interesting (to me at least) news on the home improvement front soon... there may be - gasp - a conservatory!!!  Watch this space...

How things change

A funny couple of weeks.  I've been getting more and more stressed... to be brutal, I haven't been coping very well.  Work is going fine, but instead of enjoying the challenge I have been resenting every minute I have spent on it.  Family have been having their own crises (and there have been some real shit bastard arse things going on for people I care about, and there's sweet stuff all that I can do about any of it) which have added to the tension.  Totally innocent people on internet fora (forums?  no doubt my Latin-fluent Ickle Bruv will correct this very soon) have made minor digs and been flamed properly for their trouble.  To call this "mood swings" seems just a little weak.  And some poor so and so lives with me and puts up with the bitch queen from hell every day...
I have been lying awake nights trying to go to sleep, but not wanting to face the nightmares.  When I wake up, shattered, I have had hands and feet so stiff that I couldn't pull the quilt back and walk to the bathroom.  I know it's been warm but I have never - NEVER - spent the night with no covers over me before - the fear of spiders walking over me in the night (yeah, ok, don't tell me whether it's silly or perfectly reasonable, I don't want to know) has always kept me under the quilt, whatever the weather.  Until this month.  Hot flushes four hours long.  Changing the sheets every few days because they are wringing wet by morning.

I don't know what made me look at the "Patient Information Leaflet" in the latest hormone therapy tablets I have been taking.  Possibly the thought that these haven't been any better than the last.  I was taking anastrazole (Arimidex), which was making the pain in my joints (which is a natural part of being post-menopausal, or so they tell me) much worse.  So I spoke to the Great Man, or rather to the BC nurses at the clinic who spoke on my behalf to the Great Man... he wrote to my GP saying that I should stop the Anastrazole and start on Exemestane, which might or might not reduce this particular side effect.  I didn't start them straight away but waited until I got back from a business trip, but I have been on them for almost a month.  Anyway, my poor claws have been getting more and more painful, so I thought idly that I would have a look and see what the bit of paper in every packet said.
Hmmm...

Very common side effects, (affecting more than 1 person in 10):

• Difficulty sleeping
• Headache
• Hot flushes
• Feeling sick (nausea)
• Increased sweating
• Muscle and joint pain (including osteoarthritis, back pain, arthritis and joint stiffness)
• Tiredness

Common side effects, (affecting between 1 to 10 people in 100):

• Loss of appetite
• Depression
• Dizziness, carpal tunnel syndrome (a combinations of pins and needles, numbness and pain affecting all of the hand except the little finger)
• Stomach ache, vomiting (being sick), constipation, indigestion, diarrhoea
• Skin rash, hair loss
• Thinning of bones which might decrease their strength (osteoporosis), leading to bone fractures (breaks or cracks) in some cases
• Pain, swollen hands and feet

Some of that sounds a bit familiar...
So I rang the BC Nurses and asked for advice.  Yep, I am taking Glucosamine & Chondroitin.  No, I am really not happy at all.  Yep, I would be pleased to see the Great Man to talk about this.  No, I am not sure that I want to stop taking anything, but I would like to do something other than this as it's pretty awful.  So they had a chat with the Great Man and I'm to stop taking them for now and go in and see him next week to talk about this.

Thing is, my cancer was 3 on the Oestrogen Receptive scale, which goes 1-8.  3 is the threshhold - higher than that, it's hormone therapy for five years.  Lower than that, it's of little or no benefit.  3?  That's the borderline.  It might be doing some good, but it might not.  It's making me feel a bit crummy (aka Blooming miserable) but do I want to take a chance that it is preventing recurrence or spread?  that seems like a big gamble to me.  There are too many people I know on the secondary BC path right now, and that's not a good place to be, so I am reluctant to give up anything that might have the slightest effect in keeping me out of there.

In other news, M has run away to sea.  He's currently in a taxi heading North from Schipol to Den Helder, where tomorrow, all things being equal, he and his chum will be setting sail for Blighty.  The weather forecast has the wind pointing in the right direction to get them home quickly - possibly just a little too much, though, it might be quite a bumpy ride.  So at least I have something else to fret about for a few days!